Healthy Expat Parent

I am sure you have heard about what is going on at Cornell. I'm sure you have thoughts. So do I. The thing about a teenager and young adult that you have to remember is that the power of peers and their approval is very very very important. Even when they know something is wrong, even when they want to do something about the wrongness, even when everything in their body says "do something to make it stop," the lure of peer approval is very very intoxicating. I am not exc

Me, I love a good walk. I love the movement, the being outside, the people and nature I see. I love the smells and the colors. I also love that it is exercise. That's just me. I know this is not at all the same way others think about exercise. Listen, I get it. No one wants or likes to do things they HAVE to do. But there is a reason that a walk with a favorite coffee in hand or a good friend beside you feels easier than a walk framed as "exercise". Studies show that

I recently had the privilege of walking around the Mall (as in the spanse of park and monuments that memorialize key moments in our collective U.S. history, located in Washington, D.C.), with a friend from a different country. A bit of background: this friend is very well-travelled, and is also insightful, thoughtful, curious and wise. She has never been to D.C. but has visited the U.S. before. She has also worked at the U.S. Embassy so is familiar would our various stori

“Friendship has always depended on a certain irrational generosity. A willingness to waste time together magnificently. To listen to the same anxiety for the fifth time. To sit through silence. To remain available without agenda. And perhaps this is why adult friendship feels increasingly radical. It resists the transactional logic modern life rewards everywhere else. Because a real friend offers something profoundly rare: unoptimised presence. Family is structured by blood

It's been a long and emotionally-wrought few months. The last few weeks in particular. But that is not what I am writing about. I mean, I could. I have a lot to share, a lot of emotions to consider, a lot to process. But I'm still trying to work through all of the ups and downs of the last few weeks. Very briefly, we made a family decision that brings my son to spend his senior year on a ship, adventuring around the Atlantic ocean, and that leaves me with a suddenly and

Recently, I recorded a podcast with Lisa Richer, a neurodiversity consultant, about tracking a child's academic progress which can be challenging enough, let alone when there might exist exceptionalities or special support needs. Lisa spoke about her own story through her and her kids education paths, and what the process might look paving a path to an Individualized Education Plan (IEP) for your own child. Who do you want on your team, and how to support your own processin

It's not always about you, even when it comes to your relationship. Especially when you, your partner or the relationship itself are hurting, the explanation we grab onto as "correct" has more to do with our own fears and vulnerabilities than it does the reality of the situation; almost always, that explanation is incorrect; almost always, the true explanation has more to do with the fears and vulnerabilities rolling in all parties involved, and many of those are invisible to

What kind of difference do you want to make? You cannot get through a single day without having an impact on the world around you. What you do makes a difference -- maybe big, maybe small -- and you have to decide what kind of difference you want to make. Hope. Hope is not wishful thinking. It is the dogged determination to do what it is in our power to make the better future we wish for actually happen. Without hope, we fall into apathy, and in the end, do nothing. The g

My dear boys, Usually, I try to take this time, this back-to-school rush, to offer some thoughts or wishes for the school year. It doesn't feel like there is a lot of logic to offer right now, so instead, I'd like to offer instead some compassion for the wonky time that's passed and gratitude for all three of your continued efforts. Since the end of February, our situation has been upside down. We tried to stay in our home, and instead were rushed out, and though we have

You know what it feels like inside your mind, your stomach, your body when you are angry and you just explode with words and irritation and volume. You know what it is like to not see or hear anything but mad mad mad. Do you ever consider what that is like for the person at whom you are directing all of that mad? Listen, yelling can be therapeutic, and cathartic. But it can also be traumatic and hurtful. How do we help someone who is so mad that all they can see is red, a

There are still 1,000s of Foreign Service employees and family members impacted by the war with Iran. As a result of this ordered evacuation, we are going on month 5+ of families away from their homes, separated if the employed had to stay at post, pets stranded, away from school and friends … home and household effects left unattended. Here’s the thing, though : most of the rest of the world has moved on. This is our crisis. Others notice when they pull up to the gas pump

An ongoing nutrition discussion/argument I have with my boys is about protein, especially if they need to supplement their diet with more and more protein. They want bigger muscles and to be more fit, they say, so of course they need protein-supplemented everything. I argue that if they eat a varied diet -- which they do -- there is no need for extra protein. It's not worth the cost, not worth the calories, and certainly not worth the overly-processed food intake. I can't

A few months ago, I recorded a series of podcasts with Hannah Engel-Rebitzer, an independent Educational Consultant, about the application process for university and considerations that parents might have. Primarily, this is applicable to Foreign Service kids, but honestly, any soon-to-apply student and parent could benefit from listening. We talk about money, what universities are looking for, making a balanced list, and more. It's getting to be that time again: Below, th

I don't know about you, but I don't especially like to have difficult conversations. I mean, regardless of the intended conversation participant, no one WANTS to get into an argument. Humans are generally speaking community-engaging social creatures. We like to get along with people. The general mindset is to be WITH the general consensus, and not be contrary. That being said, sometimes one must broach difficult topics. We want to enjoy quality and sustainable relationsh

We try and we try and still it does not stay close to us. Where does love go when it goes? It is a common question, contrived in its commonness yet savagely sincere, bellowing in the bosom of every brokenhearted lover, reverberating through the body of every civilization’s love songs and sonnets, radiating from cave drawings and dive bar graffiti. It is also a peculiar question, lexically and syntactically, for it presupposes two things about the life of the heart: a movement

Happiness is not the same thing as walking around with a smile on your face. Happiness is not having stuff. Happiness is not about being in a particular place. or being a certain age. Or having a particular car. Or living in a specific house. Sure, all of those can happen when you are happy, but they are not equal to happiness. Happiness is less about what you have and more about how much you can let go. Appreciating what you have. Looking inward rather outward. Look

Do not ask yourself "How will people see me if I try for this?" Do not second-guess yourself because you worry about over-stepping. You know you deserve this. So be bold.

Things come together and then they fall apart. Again, they come together and again fall apart. This is the nature of things, the natural ebb and flow of life, of being, of existing. Not just as a human, but as a part of nature and all things created to ebb and flow together. When things fall apart, this is a kind of testing and also a kind of healing. We think the point is to overcome a dilemma or pass a test, but perhaps it is more useful to know that things don't really

Every day is a good day to celebrate wins. Especially for girls and women. How to triumph like a girl ~Ada Limón I like the lady horses best, how they make it all look easy, like running 40 miles per hour is as fun as taking a nap, or grass. I like their lady horse swagger, after winning. Ears up, girls, ears up! But mainly, let’s be honest, I like that they’re ladies. As if this big dangerous animal is also a part of me, that somewhere inside the delicate skin of my body, t

Why is it so hard to hear something nice from other people? Why is it so hard to believe others see value in our energy, our smile, our good deeds? Why is it so much easier to believe criticism than it is to accept a compliment? First, if someone says something nice about you to you, say thank you. Smile. Appreciate their thoughtfulness. AND STOP THERE. Just because someone said something nice to you does not mean that A) they are lying, B) they want something from yo