Pass on the People Pleasing

Humans like to be liked.  It is in our DNA to be social, to have a community, and to be well-regarded.  Oftentimes, this defaults us to people-pleasing behavior even when this means that the one that does not get to have enough space/food/comfort is you.  I get it, though: I am a bona-fide people pleaser myself.  I get the need to be loved,

understood and accepted.  Somewhere along the way, we have learned that being easy, helpful, or agreeable made life smoother — for others, at least. And while that instinct comes from a caring place, it can slowly make us feel smaller inside, as if our own needs matter a little less each time we say “yes,” even when our heart whispers “no.”

Raise your hand if you are tired of trying to keep everyone else comfortable. 

Raise your hand if you are tired of going last, of having the smallest, of taking up the least amount of space. 

Raise your hand if you are the one with a plate of food left from others unfinished plates. 

Raise your hand if your needs are the last on your to-do list. 

Yeah, I hear you.  And I see you. 

Please know you are not alone. It’s a heavy kind of quiet exhaustion — the kind that doesn’t always show on the outside but builds on the inside. And the truth is, you deserve relationships where you don’t have to earn your place. Your wants, your boundaries, your voice — they all count. Sometimes the kindest thing you can do is to be honest about what feels right for you and communicate your needs.  Even if it feels like asking or speaking up will be too much of a burden on others.

Listen, saying no is actually not something that comes easily to most women, especially moms, as we are already accustomed to prioritizing the needs of others over our own (legitimately or not). Practice. It isn’t always your responsibility, and often, we feel compelled to say yes because we think no one else will step up. Consider carefully: will be the end of all things if it doesn’t happen? If no one else does it, and you actually say no, will it be the end of all things? Probably not. Say no when you want and need to.

When you say no to these outward requests, you get the space to be able to say yes more.  Yes to the things that refuel you, that motivate you, that give you joy and energy.  Sure, sure, work and family tasks are important and deserve your time, effort, and attention, but if YOU don't prioritize you, who will? Get a hobby, fall in love with a sport, join a group, buy a book... Just do it. Remember this: if your family and your kids see you not prioritizing you, they will also not prioritize you.

Let’s move away from people pleasing and doing for others.  Let’s stop saying yes to all of the things.  You can begin this shift with simple, honest language — small sentences that honor your truth without closing your heart.

Repeat after me:

“I am not able to do that.”

“That doesn’t work for me.”

“That’s a great idea.  I am not available to do that right now.”

“I have other plans.”

Not only are you giving yourself freedom and less tasks, you are also creating space for you to be able to prioritize your well-being.  And yes, it will feel weird and awkward and unnatural, but as you practice, you will find that honoring your boundaries feels less like letting others down and more like finally cultivating inner peace and genuine happiness within yourself.

You can’t escape all of the things you HAVE to do; sadly, there is many a task that is a must-do. But those that you can change, or simplify? Why not? Make time for the things you love to do, and that refuel you. It will make getting through the have-tos that much more enjoyable when there’s a get-to on the other side.