âYou can be smart, you can be beautiful, but if you donât know how to treat people, if you donât walk into a room and say hello, if you donât say thank you, if youâre not looking out for the kid whoâs sitting alone by his or herself, then who are you?â Michelle Obama
One of the things I truly love about parenting is when I hear something I believe is of value coming back out of my kidsâ mouths. Oh sure, this very same parroting has come back to bite me in the keister more often than I care to admit (like the darn sailor-esque language inspired by driving amongst these less-than-skilled drivers), but the good lessons come back, too.
My friend was telling me about her daughter, and an interaction she was having with a frenemy. Very wisely, this little 6 year-old told the other child ââMeanâ comes back to you.â How you treat people is important, and when you donât take care with your words or with your actions, it does indeed come back to you. At this point in time, this child, the frenemy, she may be the ring-leader, and she may be the one who can influence her peers to ignore another, or play a game that is not especially nice to all involved (exclusion games are so my pet peeve; who on earth invented keep-away?). You know what? There are always going to be kids who donât have friends to sit by or hang out with. Sometimes kids donât have the confidence to take a chance and ask âCan I play, too?â Sometimes, that can be the hardest sentence a kid can ask, and they would rather sit alone â and lonely â than take that chance. Sometimes, itâs up to another child to look out for that lonely one, and invite them to play. Because kindness can come back to you, too.
The same can be said for adults, too. As much as we move in this vagabond lifestyle, as often as we have had to resettle in a new country with people we donât know, in a school or community where I see groups of friends, none of whom are known to me, I know what itâs like to be the new kid. We used to move often enough when I was a kid, too. Itâs never fun to be the new kid. When I was a kid, I was lucky in that my sister was always there, in my same grade, so I almost always had a built-in friend at recess. Even now, sometimes, when weâve landed someplace new, I wish I still had that built-in friend. Now itâs my job to take care of three little tag-alongs, so itâs not like I sit on the side of the playground alone. Still, being occupied by the tasks of child-tending is not the same thing as being occupied by a companion. So, Iâve taken it upon me (as a mom, and here as an over-sharing voice on the ânet) to remind/nag: reach out to others. Help them acclimate. Help them enjoy their time at the playground/post. You will have something in common. You will find something to chat about. Perhaps you wonât become best buddies, but for a brief time, your taking the time to reach out will make a difference.
I tell my kids âa person can never have too many friends.' I think this is one of a few of my truisms that they have not argued with.
I am a compassionate sort of a person (My hubby uses less complementary terms and has been known to describe me as a bleeding heart.). I am the sort that gets tears in her eyes when she reads about someone getting hurt, or sees another being â be they human or fur-covered â in pain. I tend to reach out. Sometimes itâs tiring; sometimes -- more often -- it is rewarding. Regardless, though, it makes me feel better to try to help another. I like to think that my kids see me doing this, and they are learning a lesson to do the same. The world could use a few more hands reaching out, methinks.