Dr Web

A couple weeks ago,, we talked a bit about social media and its impacts on young people. This week, I want to delve into another unexpected but more common effects of time spent online. This is perhaps different than what you might expect: teens are self-diagnosing themselves with various mental health disorders. Unfortunately, this is often a result of watching probably less accurate and not reliable sources such as TikTok or Reddit, and highlights how finding information online is probably not the best option for medical diagnosis.

So this scenario has many many layers to peel back, and certainly this blog post is not at all meant to answer any and all of your related questions. Rather, I am trying to highlight the increasing commonality of this occurrence, and also why it might be problematic. And, actually, how it can serve as an opportunity to have a deeper conversation with your kiddo, which is important any way.

So starting from the "hey, mom, I saw this thing ... and I think I might have ADHD" comment.

Where is this coming from?

Don't worry, your child has not lost their mind. Remember above all else, your kiddo wants connection. They are trying to figure out who they are, where they belong and who their people are. They are puzzling out their own persona away from their safe people. So there is that.

Remember, too, your teenager has access to a vast world of information as presented on the internet. There are no warning labels, there are no "use by" dates, and there certainly are no flashing lights and arrows when misinformation is being presented. Instead, kids are hearing information presented in a probably easily-digested sort of way, by probably moderately-attractive individuals (sad, but yes, it does matter), and as teenagers are exploring these topics, and seeking commonalities, they may latch onto labels and "symptoms" they "have in common". In fact, they may start to see thoughts, feelings and behaviors that are a normal part of adolescent identity exploration described as pathological or problematic. Again, these are NORMAL behaviors.

Because teens are highly tuned to be hyper aware of peers' perceptions and their own perceived flaws, normal behaviors become sources of embarrassment. For that teenager looking for belonging and commonalities, they hear the "symptom" being shared, and therefore the diagnosis will be too; this is highly reassuring and validating for that teen. Also, online communities offer anonymity, and no requirement to respond, so a teen can find community within a group without having to meet any diagnostic criteria.

One other reason why these self-diagnosis might occur: some diagnoses seemingly offer "perks" such as accommodations at school, fewer or different expectations or additional time and attention from parents.

Why is this all a problem?

For starters, as you are probably well aware, anyone who has ever self-diagnosed themselves based on information found online (see: search for worms, which, again I strongly urge you NOT to do because you will not be able to unsee those search results) is not necessarily well-informed. There is a lot of misinformation out there, AND what you do find will be colored by confirmation bias (which means we tend to favor information that supports our existing beliefs). I often say that one can find "proof" of pretty much any hypothesis online. Sure, your teen may be correct about their inability to focus, or having mood swings. This doesn't mean they have ADHD or are bipolar. Information is often presented online with financial motivations or in a sensationalist way to boost traffic. For actual accurate diagnoses, one must see a medical professional. Full stop.

What one sees online is not an accurate representation of symptoms, prevalence or treatment plans. Social media platforms are designed to show them more of what they have already been engaging with. The more they search for "ADHD", they more they will be flooded with videos and links supporting the illusion that "everyone" is struggling with this or shares the same perspective. Algorithms are very very smart.

What can you do?

First of all, your child -- no matter their age -- is constantly seeking and needing your validation. This is the perfect opportunity to have a meaningful conversation with your kiddo. And do not start it with "That's ridiculous, of course you do not have ADHD." There are a dozen different conversations you can now have, exploring why they think their "symptoms" match those they read/heard about online, and why those are actually very normal and very much not part of a mental health disorder. Most importantly, do not disregard their comments as attention seeking. Do not assume this will go away. Talk to them about their concerns.

Talk to them and choose your time wisely. This is important to your child. And you love your child. So find a time that you can both be fully focused on the conversation.

Stay calm and don't become defensive. Or offensive, for that matter. Your child is bringing a concern to you; validate that offer of information. And be curious about where their thinking is coming from. No judgement, no criticism, without minimizing their concern, explore why they feel that they have this diagnosis, how do they relate to what they've learned. This isn't the time to correct them, but rather an opportunity for you to learn about how your teen perceives themselves, what their interactions with others might look like and also a peek into what they are seeing online.

This is 100% an opportunity to validate their feelings; which is not at all the same thing as validating the label they are attempting to give themselves. Offer them empathy for what they are trying to communicate, and offer back to them what you are hearing so as to ensure you are fully informed what they are feeling. Remember that your teen is hard at work, trying to figure out who they are in the world. Identity development is a key task of this period, and teens are supposed to be exploring all aspects of their identity. If they become fixated on one aspect, then they will not continue with that exploration. By helping your child to develop confidence in their worth, in their multi-faceted identity, they will be much more apt to succeed in the face of change and challenges throughout life.

Be open to the very real possibility that this might just need a professional. Mental health is complex and complicated. Neither you nor your teen are trained in these nuances; talking to a professional counselor or mental health professional may offer useful conversations and insights. And much more accurate information than what might be garnered through an internet search.

Listen, the information we have access to is astonishing. Truly, I am constantly surprised by what I learn from different sources online. But I am a much more savvy internet user than my teens are (though they will undoubtedly argue with that); I know how to ensure reliability and validity of my sources. Your teenager is not trying to pull a fast one on you. They are trying to understand themselves. Their self-diagnosis may or may not be accurate. Take the time for that important conversation. This is one of those teachable moments we love. Embrace it, and your kiddo.