R A I N

In times of stress, it is very easy to fall into the habit of being reactive and, if it goes on too long, resort to fight or flight mode. That may work (“work” = respond to stress, but not necessarily in an effective nor positive manner); however, it may not be the best choice for responding. Instead, we can respond by offering our own self compassion and care, and work on developing the habit of instead responding with RAIN.

R - Recognize what is happening;

A - Allow the experience to be there, just as it is;

I - Investigate with interest and care;

N - Nurture with self-compassion.

This is not a new method, nor did I develop it. In a way, it is a branching off of mindfulness, and allows your mind and emotional self to respond with kindness rather than judgement.

Each step, with a bit of description:

Recognize what is happening:

Instead of reacting, take the pause to fully understand the situation. Name the actions that are happening, behaviors you are seeing, name the feelings to come to the surface, pause to fully understand what is happening and what all is involved.

Allow the experience to be there:

Don't try to avoid your emotions, don't try to ward off the event from happening. Let it happen and then let it sit there as you consider the situation. If you feel fear, stress, or worry, let it happen and give yourself the compassion to understand that even with what is happening, you are okay and you are safe.

Investigate with interest and with care:

Call on your curiosity to learn and discover more. Find the honest truth about what is happening. Do not use another individual's assessment; determine your own findings. Pay attention not only to what is happening in front of you, but what is also happening inside of you.

Nuture with self-compassion:

Much like you would respond to any other living thing, take note with what is rising inside of you. Tend to the places that feel hurt, stressed, or worried. Offer yourself the love and comfort you have available for others that you love; this is often one of the hardest things we can do for ourselves. Be patient if it feels awkward or clumsy; slowly it will feel more natural to give yourself the care that comes so easily for others.

Repeat, repeat, repeat as needed.

This is a practice that supports forgiveness, self-compassion, stress reduction, facing fear, working through difficult relationship situations, and more.