On and on

Yesterday, I was standing in front of the laundry detergent options and it was all I could do to not just desert my cart and walk out of the store.  How am I supposed to know how much laundry soap I need?!  Honestly, that needs to be all capitals.  Anyone who has been evacuated -- read ordered out of their home for an indeterminate time -- can understand.  The rest of you, I know you care, and wish you could help, and I (and all of the rest of us) really appreciate it.  I wish I could explain how this absolute lack of concept of future does to a person's mental well being.

In the beginning, it didn't feel like it would last a long time. We had a plan, we'd be back in a few weeks, things would be fine.  We had a fix for the cats, we had a fix for the house, we did an incredibly poor job packing but it didn't matter because it would only be for a few weeks.  Usually, when we're stateside, it's vacation mode, and that was sort of a fun way to start this whole adventure.  Stateside vacay trips are all about eating as many berries as possible, buying baby carrots in the grocery and snacking on them while driving home, and random package grabs in the aisles based on what we want rather than meal planning.  Vacay trips mean extra space in the luggage for clothing, souvenirs and random wow-look-at-this-fun-thing purchases.  This time, we each had one bag and they were all stuffed to the gills (with, again, very poor planning).

These days, every trip to the grocery store is the same: I should buy fruit for ... a week?  I should plan for pasta and grain for ... 4 meals?  We still have very inappropriate clothing options (not that we are naked, but that we inevitably have to wear too many layers, or the same shirt over and over and over ...).  We constantly forget that not every day will be "hot and sunny" and I've had to borrow my kiddo's hoodie more times than I can count.

I take vitamins every morning.  I didn't bring enough.  Running out of my HRT, too.  

I don't even know where to send my textbooks for next quarter.  

I'm doing my best to squelch my urge to stress bake because I don't even have a mixing bowl in the place.  

The weather has been schizophrenic and we don't want to buy more layers or warm weather clothes because ... how long will we be here?  We finally broke down and got some sandals but in general, we just are muddling through, hoping it doesn't rain, because that is definitely the most complicated weather pattern when nothing we have is water resistant.

It isn't about me.  I mean, I am absolutely heartbroken about what is happening in the Middle East.  Besides the horrific war situation, the number of lives lost ... It is just tragic.  The number of families that have been displaced?  My god.  The state of constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop has created a knot of stress that I am certain everyone else in this weird limbo is experiencing.  

Some people evacuate better than others.  Some are living their best lives while here going to all of the fitness classes, all of the festivals, all of the markets.  I love that for them.  Me?  Not so much.   I mean I did take a morning to go see the blooming azaleas at the National Arboretum (which I haven't seen since I went with mom and the kids way back in 2013, the last time we were in DC in April).  Mostly, I sit in my little perch chipping away at the coursework and readings, generating page after page of assignments to submit.  After dragging my feet entirely too long, the kiddo is enrolled at a high school here, so he is at least off his phone and amongst young people his own age for a few hours a day.  I am certain not hanging out with his mom day after day is much better for him.  It struck me as super ironic that when he was a baby, and he had all of the medical issues and he and I were med-evacuated was the last time we had so many hours together.  Back then, he thought I was the coolest and best; now, maybe he has a different opinion, or at least has the wherewithal to HAVE an opinion rather than just obligingly (and always with a smile on his face) doing what I wanted to do.

I digress.  

I guess I'll buy more laundry soap, be more diligent about meal planning and actually check the weather forecast so I know how many layers to don.  Next month, we're definitely going to go pick some strawberries and make a pie.  That's something fun to look forward to.