Mothering

Mother is a verb. And noun. And a person. And a feeling. Mother is comfort, counsel, and care in one.

“Not wanting to be dominated by others is a legacy of the new mother because in becoming a mother, a woman also gives birth to herself. When a mother thinks about her experience in a truthful way, when she is honest with herself, she will see that the act of mothering is not one-sided. It is reciprocal. Once we appreciate that the mother/child dyad is mutually beneficial, we can change the stereotype of motherhood as burden into the archetype of mothering as transformation.

Mothering is not just something we do for our children. It defines us. And, it also liberates us. When we mother in a creative and transformative way we can easily move between our role as mother and our other roles. When being a mother comes from our strengths and our good opinion of ourselves rather than from an imposed script, we embody a powerful and unique feminine presence.”

~ Peggy O’Mara

Before I get rolling, you should know that I am going to use the word ‘amazing’ a lot. Yes, I could have used my thesaurus and come up with plenty of other adjectives, but sometimes, I truly believe that the one word is by far the best descriptor. So, onward.

Mothering is likely the best 'thing' I have ever done, and ,at the same time, one of the most difficult. Though, honestly, I’m not completely sure ‘done’ is the right word here, because really, parenting is just one long string of reactions and counter-actions, and it doesn't ever really finish, as any parent can attest. There is no timeframe into which mothering fits; it is not a 9 - 5 sort of job.

Before you have kids of your own, before you are wholly responsible for another living being (or two), it is hard to believe just how complicated parenting can be. It is hard to believe what it feels like to be a mom, to be THAT person to another little human, to be the one they come to with owies, or with dreams, or with their every treasure. It is hard to imagine how important another person can be, to think of them as soon as your eyes are open, and the last thought right before you fall to sleep. People will tell you all of this before you have kids, but it is not something that rings true until you have children of your own. Being a mom is an amazing gift.

Listen, my friends, you know what? You are an amazing mom. (And yes, I know some of you reading might be dads. Sorry, this is not about you. But read on if you want to have something to tell your wife or your own mom that will make her REALLY happy.) Moms, you are amazing people. I truly believe that the outstanding things that moms accomplish each and every day should amaze all others around them. Not only do they get little people cleaned, fed, clothed and out the door in a safe manner, they also get them distances big and small to particular places and appointments regularly. They feed, clean and clothe other adults, too, and make the time to organize lists and purchase supplies to accomplish all of these tasks.

Moms are articulate, knowledgeable, and capable people. Moms are organized. Moms can manage tasks for themselves and for any number of other people. Moms do all of this without much gratitude or appreciation of their accomplishments. Okay, yes, there is that one day to celebrate moms everywhere, but what’s one day when we do all of the above every single day, regardless if it is a holiday, weekday or weekend.

You know what, Moms? You deserve recognition of accomplishing the most amazing thing a person can do: you created another person(s). That, in and of itself, is amazing. Not only did you create this person, but every day, you give that person intellectual stimulation, physical motivation, and nutrition to grow up and blossom into another amazing person.

Once we become a mom, we change, too. We develop a loving responsibility and learn the often-overwhelming job of taking care of another being. We do this without any formal training or schooling. It’s just something we KNOW how to do, and what we don’t know, we learn. We learn from our mistakes and we use our instincts. We tend, and we grow ourselves. Through mothering, we develop of the skills we inherently will need. Through mothering, we fine-tune our strengths and curiosities. No one else can do the job that we do, and no one could possibly do it as well.

Being reminded of our importance and strengths is important. We don’t need a ‘thank you’ so much as acknowledgement of our gifts to others. Knowing that someone is aware of what we have to offer is a soul-building gift.

Thank you, Moms, for mothering.

Thank you, Moms, for tending.

Thank you, moms, for using your strengths to help another person(s) grow. Your effort may not be noted today or tomorrow, and may not be thanked, but I promise you, it is well received.

Thank you, Moms, for all you do, not just today, but every single day.

Being a mom means wearing a lot of different hats, each of which deserves applause on this very special day. So here’s to you, my fellow moms! You are amazing!

Enjoy your day, the day dedicated to moms, and take a few minutes to appreciate what an amazing, unique and clever mom you are. Your family is lucky to have you.

Happy Mother’s Day!

https://www.nytimes.com/2020/05/05/parenting/mothers-not-martyrs.html