Habit Shifting

Looking to make some changes, add some healthier habits, shifting the balance of your activities more towards “well” rather than just maintaining.  Often, especially this time of year, people start seriously considering or moving towards adding new habits, or changing behavior.  Well, listen, changing behavior is hard, my friend.  In all cases of success, there has to be a lot of determination, will, and the ability to resist temptation. 

Effective change CAN happen, but it can take some time.  This includes adding or dropping a behavior; humans don’t necessarily like change, so it takes a number of different elements to be in place in order for the new habit to really stick.  And this applies to change -- both adding and eliminating new behaviors -- in all aspects of your life, not just for physical wellness or nutrition. Various studies show it takes about two months for a new behavior change to stick; of course, factors can impact this such as the complexity of the new behavior as well as your circumstances and motivation.  Clearly, adopting a habit of drinking more water will be a lot easier to manage than it would addressing a challenging behavior like an addiction.  Still, consider certain elements that will help successful habit formation.

First, one has to understand where that habit or behavior is coming from.  What is the why?  Habit formation is a three-step loop: first there is a cue (a trigger), which leads to a repeated response (routine behavior).  The routine is reinforced by a reward (highly individualized).  In order to break this cycle, one must reflect on the cue and identify how a different response to the cue could help break this perceived negative cycle.   We’ll look a bit more at reflection in a bit, but I’d also like to mention that part of this

Second, I just mentioned reflection.  It takes time and clarity to reflect honestly about thoughts, motivations and behaviors in order to determine what, if anything , you want to change.  Honest self-awareness can be illuminating; it can also be challenging.  Honest self-reflection can result in an increased self-awareness that results in improved decision making skills, increased confidence and better emotional regulation.  Self-reflection takes time and patience; it is one of the true acts of self-love that we often skip.

Part of this reflection might also help highlight emotional ties one may have as a response to a behavior.  Often, habits related to health such as nutrition, food choices, and exercise may be tied to emotional cues or feelings, reinforcing the less-than-ideal response.  These emotionally-laden habits may be more challenging to address, but know that it is not an impossibility, and self-reflection can help start to solidify a more healthful habit creation. 

Third, changing a behavior is challenging.  It is important to start small and to be realistic in order to be able to be consistent.  Say, for example, you want to start running or jogging.  Having a goal of running a marathon is a Big Audacious Goal, and while it is very doable, it would also take considerable time and effort  to train successfully for completing a marathon if you are starting from Ground 0.  Especially if you are a parent (or a co-parent) and you work, and you want to have a social life.  Consider setting a smaller, more realistic goal of completing a 10 k by the end of the year.  It will still take considerable effort and time, but the distance is attainable for a new-to-running participant, AND you are much more likely to find a partner to do it with you (next suggestion for success).

As mentioned above, finding someone to do the behavior change with you is an excellent way to gain success.  Why?  Because you are not only accountable to yourself (both your worst and best critic and advocate), but you are also accountable to another person, probably someone you like and respect.   Having that positive peer pressure is an excellent way to help keep you (both) motivated, help keep you on track, and get you up and out the door with your shoes laced up on those cold or rainy mornings.  This accountability partnership is mutually beneficial and invaluable.

Try habit stacking.  Often, a new habit slides because it is hard to remember to add the new behavior to your existing routine.  Studies show that by adding the habit to an existing well-established habit (“stacking” them together), the new behavior has a greater chance of sticking.  Why?  Because the initial behavior is something you are already doing automatically in response to an existing cue that you recognize.  Adding a new behavior alongside the existing one attaches them to routines already in place, creating a natural flow from one action to the next.  Your brain loves patterns, and by connecting an existing pattern to a new element, you are adding to the pattern.  This is much more effective than trying to establish a new cue, design new routines, or rely on motivation. 

Finally, know that change is hard.  Being ready for discomfort and challenge is important.  There are four keys to readying yourself for successfully addressing this discomfort and face the challenges that lie ahead in the path of successful behavior change. 

1.         Understand your limiting beliefs.  If you think it will be too hard or too difficult or not worth the effort, you will most likely put in less effort.  Challenge these thoughts that are telling you it isn’t worth it.

2.        Be patient with yourself.  My goodness change is hard.  It is really really difficult.  It can be uncomfortable to try new things or change a comfortable habit.  Give yourself grace for the commitment and effort, and know that sometimes things won’t go as you hope.  But that isn’t a reason to give up.  Learn from your mistakes, and start again the next day.

3.        Lean into a growth mindset.  What does that mean?  Rather than viewing challenges (and change!) as a negative or reason to stop trying, challenges are opportunities for growth.  You can’t do it YET. That Yet embraces the very distinct possibility that with a bit of time and practice, you will own this new habit.

4.        Especially in the situations where you are trying to remove/eliminate an unhealthy habit, embrace the idea of trying something new or unknown.  Motivation comes from many different avenues, and it can be very motivating to replace a habit you are seeking to move away from and replace it with something you’ve always wanted to try or to learn. 

Okay, so armed with all this info, and knowing that this change is going to be challenging but worth it, let’s really think about what it is we want for ourselves in the coming year.  What can we do differently?  What can we adjust?  What can we embrace?  I know you are fully capable of living your best life, so let’s take the steps to really embrace what that includes.

You’ve got this, friend.  I believe in you.  Now, let’s get you to believe in you as well.

For further reading:

https://www.healthyexpatparent.com/post/ch-ch-ch-changes