Back to School letter

My dear boys,

Usually, I try to take this time, this back-to-school rush, to offer some thoughts or wishes for the school year.  It doesn't feel like there is a lot of logic to offer right now, so instead, I'd like to offer instead some compassion for the wonky time that's passed and gratitude for all three of your continued efforts.

Since the end of February, our situation has been upside down.  We tried to stay in our home, and instead were rushed out, and though we have been at this foreign service bit for long enough to know better, we did not plan and prepare.  We left our home thinking we'd be back quickly, two or three weeks we said.  Boy, were we wrong!  We were ill-prepared for the weather stateside, we were ill-prepared for the duration, we did not set up the apartment properly ... "it's only for two or three weeks."  Well, that hasn't been the case, and as always, hindsight kicks us in the ass with recognition of our ineptitude.  Does anyone evaluate well?  I wouldn't think so.  And maybe, if we peel back the Facebook lives others are also barely keeping their head up above water.  It does seem like the incredibly slow movement forwards or backwards has caused us nothing but stress and aggravation.  Many days, I wake up with a clenched stomach, stressing about some piece of this puzzle that just won't fit in no matter how many times we turn it.  

I keep reminding myself that no one evacuates well; some just bear the lack of ability to plan better than I might.  I am a planner, I know, and I also know that we don't know what to plan for so there is no sense in bothering yet.  

You three, you found your space, found jobs, found new skills.  I think this has been a summer that taught you that you ARE quite capable.  Maybe it's not such a bad thing that we didn't get to have all of us in one space, you all working at the Embassy in one probably-not-challenging role and filling the time after work and on the weekends with some sort of family thing I have nagged you all into.  Instead, you are learning what it takes to get a real job in the U.S. (whether it is well paid), what it looks like to have responsibilities, what you can do for yourself.  These are life skills, boys.  These are good things to have.

We made the very difficult decision to encourage O to apply to a fabulous learning opportunity, and he'll be having the senior year of his life.  Unfortunately, it means that he will be leaving the nest earlier than I ever would have liked but the stable learning environment -- never mind the freaking amazing experience -- is a far better decision than our continued least-worst string of options we've been pinballing through since February.  

A and L, you're headed back to university, to continue to learn and grow and do all the things.  I love that you are following your hearts and fostering curiosity.  Ask the hard question.  Listen to learn, not to just wait for a pause.  This chance, these years in university, are a gift, and you will never have this kind of opportunity again.  Make the most of this time.  Not just in the classroom, but with the friends you are making and the connections you create.  I hope these are the best of times.

I don't really know where I'll be come September.  Maybe stateside, maybe back in Riyadh.  But no matter what, no matter where I am, I am 100% in your corner, 100% of the time.  I love you all and am so so proud of everything you three are.  You are all amazing people, and I am honored to have a role in your lives.  

May you continue to do all the amazing things you do, be the compassionate, creative and caring people you are, and grab all the rings.

I love you.  Let's get this school year started!

Mom