• Susie Csorsz Brown

A letter to my husband

I think, especially on random days, it's a good thing to be grateful for what we have, what we are, and what we are continuing to be.

Dear Hubby,

Oh the places we've gone!

What a run, eh? So many good moments, so many happy ones. Sure, some moments have been less than shiny and stellar, but ... that's how it goes when two unique people come together, committed to making a new unit. As we are not carbon copies of each other, quirks abound, patiences get tested and compromises are made. Marriage is not about enjoying wedding-day-bliss every single day; marriage is about trying – Every. Single. Day – to love you, my partner, IN SPITE of these things, right? And really, would you want it to be wedding day-like at this point? I mean, sure that whole newness was fun, but after 17+ years of marriage, I think we are in better places and our relationship has changed - in a good way - along the way. Bed of roses it ain’t always, but I know that at the end of the day, I love what we have. And the kids see that.

Oh, the words that we've said!

Thank you, too, for reminding me how important communication is. Sure, often when the kids are around, we have to laser in on soundbites instead of conversations full of declarative sentences with adjectives and clauses and descriptors. It can be hard to get a word in. And yes, I still stew on things, mulling and chewing before finally getting it off my chest. But I am working on keeping things in perspective and bring up irritations when they are still molehills rather than the proverbial elephant in the room. Never once has stewing made me feel better about a situation, I know this. Stewing is not a successful nor effective communication tool. Yet, habits (stupid as they may be) are hard to break. I know the same is true for many of your habits as well (not saying they are stupid just ... hard to break). You know this as well as I do: communication really is the backbone of any good marriage. It doesn’t matter how many sparks fly in the beginning or how compatible you may seem to be; if you can’t talk about the BIG things, it doesn’t matter. Learning to be a good communicator – actively listening and capably voicing your own opinion is a skill. One that our kids have learned as they watch they watch us. Of course, perhaps we've helped hone their communication skills a little too well, seeing as how the eldest has negotiation skills of an experienced and able lawyer, and the youngest one can charm the pants off of any living person.

Oh. the people we've met!

Speaking of, kids certainly complicate things, don't they? Sometimes it is hard to get a word in edgewise. Sometimes, all we can get from them in response is a grunt. Squabbles about pitifully small unimportances, brawls about miniscule tiny details ... kids add a lot to the relationship. And, at the same time, they make it infinitely more complicated to focus on us, on the foundation of this family. Thank you for being patient when I am Mom first, and Wife second. Thank you for grounding me when I fly off on tangent XYZ about some kid-related detail. Thank you for reminding me that us is important too, even when my energy is ebbing at the end of the day, often because kids come home from school and need need need.

Most days, it IS all about the kids. Most days, we focus on daily tasks, kids stuff, family stuff, and ... the next thing we know, it's time to drop into bed and to start all over again the following day. Most days, energy for more than that is just hard to come by. The family load? t's a lot, right? You work all day, dealing with all sorts of workplace drama, so when you come home, I try not to give you more. Sometimes - most times - I am successful. The boys are at ages now where they can come up with their own entertainment, and as often as not, it doesn't involve me unless I want it to. Sometimes, though, I have all three on me like sticky burs, absolutely desperate for parental attention. Those days, you come home and the explosion just has nowhere else to go but in your lap. Thankfully, that happens rarely. Sure, we have sibling rivalry flare-ups, but for the most part, the boys have taken our your-brothers-are-your-friends lectures to heart and they get along which makes life easier and more entertaining (watching them interact can be golden). It's probably a little early to be clapping ourselves on the back, but it does appear as though we have three little people well on their way to becoming happy, healthy, self-confident and capable little people. Yay, us!

Oh, the places we'll go!

But, at the end of the day, what it comes down to is you and me and what we have built together. This relationship. This nuclear family. The people we call 'family' around the globe. This home (that we reconstruct over and over as we traipse about the globe). Our values and beliefs. It's not our anniversary, but I can't help but think it's so important to celebrate US on random days, too, and not just the day that we officially started this journey. Life has thrown us a few curve balls, and It's amazing to me how well we've fielded them. Honestly, I can't wait to see what we'll be up to next.

Xoxoxo

s

#values #family #marriage

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Susie is certified through The Parent Coaching Institute, whose graduates are dedicated to help parents focus on "amplifying the positive, appreciating the good, and valuing the possible in themselves and in their children."  http://www.thepci.org/findcoach/ug/brown-susie-csorsz