Your teenager and executive functions and you

Do you feel as though you and your teen are from different planets, speaking different languages and your responses rarely if ever align?  Ever wonder why you can be ever-so-efficient and your child is oh-so-not?  Listen, it isn't you, and also there is nothing wrong with your teenager.  Most likely their bizarre-to-you response — or lack there of — is due to the completely normal and expected developmental processes of their executive function (read: brain development).  

Let’s start there.  What exactly is executive function?  Executive functions are the foundation for all learning. They are important for how we master English and math, sure, but even more so, they are key to thinking creatively and solving the problems that arise throughout our lives. Executive functions are skills that are more strongly linked with long-term mental and physical health -- thriving -- than IQ or socioeconomic status.  We aren't born with these skills; under the right conditions, we can learn them ... primarily during the period of intense growth and development also known as high school.  As if there weren't enough things going on during this period, right?

Generally, experts suggest there are three core skills that form the foundation of executive functions: Inhibitory control (taking that second to pause, reflect, before reacting), working memory (holding information in your mind long enough to complete a task) and cognitive flexibility (the ability to adapt to change as well as the ability to switch perspectives, and see things from another or multiple points of view).  All of these skills are important, and all of these skills take time to fully and properly develop.  This is part of the growth and development process that young people undergo as they move through adolescence and to early adulthood.  All of these skills are a part of helping kids plan, shift gears when necessary and to resolve conflict.  And write papers or complete homework.  

Here's the kicker: Having good executive skills does not necessarily mean you'll be getting straight A's or not being a brat in class.  

And here’s kicker # 2: There's a big difference between what teenagers are CAPABLE of doing and how they actually behave and use reason and logic.

I know.  But this is normal.  Promise.

Studies show that teenagers are FULLY capable of executive functions much like an adult, performing just as well as adults on tests of executive function.  Studies also show, however, that the uneven developmental nature of the teen brain ALSO predisposes them to explore and experiment.  This means first, their responses are not always consistent, and also they may (read: will) take a bit longer to respond than you yourself might to do something.   

As I said, tests show that teenagers are capable of performing tasks of executive function well.  But.  Add to that test repetition or some sort of emotional stress, and the consistency of success drops.  Often drops considerably.  This isn't because they are not trying; rather, this is the sign of a brain in development.  Actual structural changes occur during teenage years, morphing the younger adolescent brain into the adult brain; we have to be patient while these changes occur and solidify.  While these changes are going on, consistent and reliable responses are not always possible.  

One more fun fact:  Teenagers' brains are built for trial and error, for trying new things, figuring out new ideas.  As teenagers get older, and as their brain structures become more fixed, their different functional brain networks start to communicate better, start to work more efficiently together, and, as a result, your teen will tend to be better at certain tasks like paying attention, remembering something and switching between ideas.  Additionally, their brains get better at connecting the different prewired (read: human) networks in their brains that plan and make decisions with reflection and making sense of new information as well as noticing what matters.  All of this translates to your requests and expectations matching better with their responses.

Practice makes perfect: teens who practice connecting immediate experiences and concrete knowledge to bigger questions about identity, purpose and meaning build more efficient, finely tuned connections among these networks and report greater well-being later in life.  Teenagers also have the task of learning how to have huge and complex emotional experiences and make meaning out of them.  Again, practicing these meaning-making responses help them to make these connections quicker, more effectively, and arguably more (socially) correctly.  

So what does this have to do with you, my friend parent of a teenager?  Don't label them as being bad or lazy because they are not responding as you expect or want, or either the speed you are hoping for.  Don't predispose them to poor functionality.   Don't label them as being slow or not trying.  Or not caring.  Here's the thing: if you keep telling your teen that they will do X incorrectly, they will not perform Y as expected or they will forget to do Z, then chances are they will live up to your expectations.  You've already made the decision for them, whether or not  and probably before they could take effective action.

Consider this: how many times have you used positive terms to describe these same teen responses?  Have you called them creative or fun?   How about we try a lesson of our own executive function?  Try to see things from their point of view.  Taking someone else’s point of view is a powerful way to strengthen executive function, because it requires all three of the core executive function skills: working memory (to keep two sets of ideas in mind), cognitive flexibility (shifting perspectives) and inhibitory control (suppressing automatic emotional reactions). Put together, these skills allow us to step back and consider our options before we act.  Or speak. 

So.  Consider this all as an attempt at explaining your kiddos behavior or decision-making, try to see it from their still-not-quite-firmly-baked executive-function-wise and give your teens the chance to do it right, and to do it their way.  It may feel as though being a parent if a teen is harder, but I feel as though they are the ones doing a lot of growing and changing.  Let’s give them the space and grace to do so. 

For further reading

https://knowablemagazine.org/content/article/mind/2023/executive-function-in-teen-brains