Your brain on "yet"

There is a magical word that you can use to rewire your brain.  Seriously!! 

The brain’s mysterious workings react in completely different ways when it comes to “I can’t” statements and “I can’t yet” statements.  “Yet” is a door-opener.  “Yet” allows your brain to understand the temporariness of the situation, and consider possibilities.  For those of us who are parents, “Yet” allows us to look for that lost item like a mom, moving things, considering and re-walking last steps, lift proverbial cushions, check in closed cupboards for for answers; “I can’t” is the boy in front of the fridge, saying they don’t know where the milk is. 

When you say “yet” you are signaling your brain that the door is not closed.  Your prefrontal cortex -- the part of your brain that is supposed to be the adult in the room – gets activated.  It sniffs around, trying to figure out what is possible, what can be tried, what solution is out there: Surely, there is something I have not yet tried that will work.  Without the yet, your brain hears “I can’t”, and instead shifts to protection mode, conserving energy (after all, the task is impossible, no point in trying), and instead allows you to drift: There is not point to try new things because it is not possible.

Same problem. Totally different neural response.  We shift from “Hide from the bear!” to “Okay.  That didn’t work.  What else can we try?”  Oh, the possibilities!

Your brain is freaking amazing.  It can convince you that you are a hero.  Or it can tell you that you are a failure.  Your terminology is what cues it to pick a path, sort of like a choose-your-own adventure story. 

Your brain has a reticular activating system (RAS) which responds to your cues and filters your view of reality to match: “Can’t” points your RAS toward evidence of failure; “Yet” stimulates your RAS to look at possible solutions or ideas. 

Listen, I get it.  Sometimes, we don’t want to try.  Sometimes, we want it to be okay to just sit, doomscroll memes and watch Netflix movies.  I mean, who DOESN'T like kitty videos?! Sometimes, though, we need that kick in the pants that gets us off the sofa to just do something already.  I am not a spring chicken and I just started down a path to a completely different degree that would allow me to (hopefully!) positively impact young people and their mental health.  I have any number of times questions my decision making processes, and wishing I had, instead, stayed in my “normal,” where my old habits and thinking are easy, and take up less energy. 

Here’s the other thing about your brain: it LIKES easy.  This takes less energy, less creativity, less thought.  These pathways are familiar and worn, no fuss no muss; we can sleepwalk through this familiar territory.  As we get older, a lot of us internalize the story that we are done growing, and we are too old to change.  Listen, your brain is unique and amazing but it also much the same: your brain is deeply committed to efficiency. To do the same same, because it is easier.

You’ve heard about brain elasticity, yes?  This is your brain, flexing its creativity to try new things, weed whacking a new path with a machete.  Until the day you die, your brain can and will do this … as long as you practice doing it.  At first it will feel awkward and Pollyanna-ish.  Eventually , it will rumble to life, slowly, loudly, and awkwardly, and take one step at a time.  One neural pathway at a time, you will turn towards the possibility that you are, in fact, not done yet, and just need a minute to figure it out.

So.  What statement – internal or otherwise – can we look at for you, and add that “yet”? 

Listen, this is what we are going to do: go get a piece of paper and a pen. Better, get a stickie note. Now, I want you to think about something that you have struggled with, that you feel you can't do. maybe it is something smaller, like "I can't proper paint my toenails." Maybe it is something bigger: "I can't lose weight." Write that down. Now, using big capital letters write "YET". Now take that stickie and put it in a place where you will see it every single day. Maybe we don't see change yet. Maybe not this year. Maybe not until July. Here's the thing though: you just told your brain that you are NOT done yet, and opened that door. I'm here with you, every step of the way. Let's crack this baby open, and get to the good stuff.