It’s not always about you
It really isn’t. Sometimes, it’s about something or someone or some instance not even related to you, but it still impacts you.
Life swirls and whirls around us, and we try to walk the line we’ve chosen, regardless. If someone’s swirls or whirls come in our path, we notice it more, and will most likely react. Emotions and behaviors of others, though, are occurring irrespective of what is going on in our path. Especially when someone’s seemingly negative behaviors or emotions smear on us, it can feel very personal. I get it, and because I am an overly sensitive person, I tend to take their behavior or emotions personally. It can take me some time to talk myself off the wall, wondering why or what I did that provoked such an emotion or behavior.
It is not always about me. I get it. In my little nuclear family, it often is or is in some way, but more and more often, as the boys get older and more independent, it is not at all about me, and my role is not to fix it for them, not to react, and maybe, not even to know. (That’s kind of a hard pill to swallow as a parent.)
It’s important to know that negative emotions, especially those in an outburst, are often driven by habit. This is important to remember because if someone is blowing up about some thing or another, they will likely blow up about it again and again, unless you can help them realize and then stop the habit. Perhaps that is not your role. It is your role if it is you who are allowing these outbursts to come out of you and slop all over others trying to walk their own line.
The linked article is full of ahas for me. I am working on not taking things personally, and not letting other’s negativity or outbursts ruin (and run) my day. Every day I am able to do that, the stronger this habit is for me.
I am also a fixer, though, and want to help those struggling with these kinds of outbursts. Just like children, no adult likes to have a tantrum. They are awful, emotionally-draining and leave everyone around grumpy and emotionally frazzled. Maybe helping others is as simple as pointing out their negative behaviors. Maybe it takes greater intervention. If another’s regular negative outbursts are impacting you, maybe you can even just send them the link below and invite them for a coffee and a conversation.
What I know for sure is self-awareness and self-love will help you realize the communication pattern that is not working for you and help you find one that works better.
For further reading: