Back to school letter

Dear boys,

We’ve talked so many times about change.  We’ve experienced big hard changes, our little family unit.  One of the prices we pay with this foreign service vagabond life – a dear, high price – is the stretching of the connection to extended family, resulting in knitting together our nuclear family that much tighter.  We have moved and moved and moved how many times; you are stronger for having endured these challenges.  Know that the resiliency you create for yourself with these repeated cycles through new-kid-staying-kid-moving-kid help you to develop your sense of self, and your ability to land well, and reconnect.  This is a cycle and skill many FS kids find so familiar; I know that doesn’t make it easier just because it is known.  But know that I know that, and I acknowledge that it IS hard.  I feel that too; having to set up home and life and all the things again and again is part of this life but it does get tiresome.  It is worth it, though.   Really.

I think one of the things I learned through this moving moving moving business: creating a more clearly define of what is “home” and what I want for my community.  Home is not a place so much as people and a feeling; home is a sense of belonging.  Sure, art on the walls, and favorite furnishing contribute to a nice ambiance, but home is people.  You are all part of my home.  This year, again, our family circle is spreading farther apart.  That doesn’t make the connections dimmer.  We must continue to work to feed into that circle because prioritizing family is how we stay connected.  Wherever we are on this globe, we are a unit; we are home.  The importance and value of the family unit is one of the most important lessons we have learned through this foreign service adventure.

As you go along, when you try to accomplish something – something difficult, something beautiful, something amazing – surround yourself with people who give you positive energy. Discover people with whom you love doing “nothing”, and do nothing with them on a regular basis. The longer you can maintain these relationships, the longer you will live.  The cheapest therapy is to spend time with people who make you laugh. Remember: a person is a person because of other people. Your community is important. We humans are meant to be in communities.  We are safer together.  Invest in relationships because people are more important than devices.  Every.single.time.  I know I often say that you can never have too many friends, and I 100% stand by that.  But.  Know, too, you have no obligation to like everyone, and, yes, you are free to intensely dislike a person.  You owe everyone—even those you dislike—basic respect. You also owe everyone a second change, but not a third.

This is going to be a year of change and challenge; it will feel hard and complicated. Take a deep breath, think about what might be, and embrace that with curiosity.  Curiosity is the key to staying invested.  Putting energy in finding more about a new idea or perspective can help you open doors.  Say "I don't know" and then find out more, and repeat this practice every single day.  I know the workload you have in front of you is very real.  I know it is a lot to manage, to chew away at that mountain of must-do to get to the finish line.  But I am also 100% certain you’ve got this.  Know that sometimes you try and try but you don’t get to the finish line successfully.  Don’t let that be the end.  Failure is not something to be feared. We will fail literally a dozen times to learn the way to succeed. No matter how many times we fail, try new, try different; learn from those mistakes. As long as we keep trying, we are way ahead of everyone who isn't trying.   All of your ideas that don't work are simply stepping stones to the one that does. Failure is not falling down. Failure is staying down when you have the choice and the opportunity to get back up.  So, fail often. Failing is not a disgrace if you keep failing better.  Remember that when you are right, you are learning nothing.  When you are wrong, and learn, then you will grow.  Also, do not cling to a mistake just because you spent a lot of time making it.

Be kind to yourself, too. Offer yourself compassion. Keep your self-talk encouraging and be your best champion.  In the face of so many changes, it can be easy to fall into frustration because things don't flow as well as they did before.  Consider how you might offer support to a friend going through the same sort of circumstances and give that same loving care to yourself.  You are not too late.  You didn't miss anything.  Some days will be amazing, and some will be difficult. You will do it well sometimes and you will mess up sometimes.  Be kind to yourself because as long as you keep trying, keep doing, keep going, you are doing enough.  In fact, forget "should be"; focus on your response. A small part of your life is decided by completely uncontrollable circumstances while the vast majority of your life is decided by your responses. Your response is always more powerful than your present circumstances.

Define what your community is, and actively find ways to contribute to that community, build up those around you, to enhance rather than beat down. Sure, not everyone is going to reciprocate, or be like-minded. Those who do, they will gladly smile back. Those who don’t, well, maybe they need your positivity more than anyone else.  As the saying goes ‘Hurt people hurt people.’ It is not your job to fix their hurt, but sometimes, just acknowledge their place in the world, show them that you see them, and do not respond with negative behavior.  Be the one that people go home and talk about around the dinner table because they admire you so; be that example not because you are the coolest, funniest or the smartest.  Be that example because you are the kindest.  To be known as someone who is kind is one of the greatest compliments a person can garner.  Our actions have the power to change the world around us and inspire others in our lives to get up and take action too. Make your actions positive, and make them count. Think about what you can do to take personal responsibility. Not just for you, for your own body, but also for your actions and each other. Embrace a collective mindset: look out for each other. If something happens to one of you, it happens to all of you. This is about finding how much ‘us’ we can build into the world, and including as many people in that ‘us’ as possible. 

It’s a privilege to be here, a privilege be present. The farther you venture from our own little corner in this world, the more you may feel as though you are on your own; know that I always have your back.  I am here, even if we are not on the same landmass.

I love you with all of my heart,

Mom