Don’t let yourself become so concerned with raising a good kid that you forget you already have one. Glennon Melton, momastery.com
Isn’t it true, sometimes we get so focused (fixated?) on what isn’t going as we planned or would like that we rush by and overlook what amazing beings our kids really are. Just like sometimes we get so focused on what all we SHOULD do (as parents, as free-thinking adults, as individuals responsible with our own well-being), we forget all of the amazing things we are already doing. This can be for wellness, or parenting, or even just things around the house.
We can't do everything. It's just not possible. I read somewhere that we should 'Pick two, because Moms/Dads can do a lot of things but we can't possibly do everything.' I love that: it's not an excuse to do things half-heartedly; rather, it's a reasonable reminder that we are indeed human and we are indeed capable, able, and well-meaning. We do our best, and usually that is pretty darn awesome. We can’t expect our kids to be 100% either, unless we start counting who they already are as 100 %. Did you ever hear that old adage that you shouldn’t get into a relationship as a project or see people as ‘fixer-uppers’ ... same goes with your kids. Your kids are who they are. You’ve done your job as a parent; you’ve taught them right from wrong, you’ve showed them how to be kind and patient with others. You’ve demonstrated for them how to be understanding and accepting. So know that you’ve got a good kid, and they will continue to make you proud with their accomplishments and mastery... even if it isn’t necessarily as you imagined it might be.
What did you imagine? Did you think your child would be at the top of his class academically? Did you imagine s/he would be a gifted sports player? Did you dream about attending her/his renown musical performances? I think all of those feats would be amazing. And yet I am completely thrilled that my boys are well-adjusted regardless of how many times we have relocated them. I love that they like each other, and they have many diverse friends. I love that they like school, have curious minds, and have opportunities to pursue their athletics interests. I love that they care about our furry companions, and they like to spend time in the garden. I most appreciate that they are happy, curious and caring. They are all so completely different than I imagined and hoped for and yet so much more. Yeah, don't get me wrong: I so often get wrapped up about things they forgot to do (Why is it a capable human cannot throw a wrapper into a garbage can literally 4 feet away is beyond me) and what they DO do (You would not BELIEVE the state of the bathroom after last night's showers. How anyone came out of that mess cleaner than they were going in is nothing short of a miracle). And then they turn around and do something jaw-droppingly amazing .... and I am speechless.
Remember that your kids are amazing. Your kids are unique. Your kids are good. Your kids are the best of all things. Be proud of who they are, and know that you contributed to that amazingness. Sure, a lot of it is what they are creating for themselves, but you did put in your two or three cents worth.